Friday, July 4, 2008

Have I got a job for you. . . . . .

You know I am constantly hearing reports about things that are designed to make your life easier, reading articles on the web about what you can do to simplify your life etc. . My dream life would be living out in the middle of no-where completely off the grid meaning that we were fully self-contained. Wouldn't have to worry about electricity, phone, or tv. Ok so maybe I'm being self-destructive since I would either be completely nuts in about 2 days or being charged with some form of a felony after I would have to deal with 4 teens with no internet, phone, or tv! Hey wishful thinking huh? In today's society with everyone gearing towards "simplification" you would think that that term would be spread out over the 'entire' society. Well yesterday I found one area where the word simple is no where allowed near their idiotic society. I'm talking about furniture designers. More importantly the furniture designers of the "assembly required" society. I mentioned before that my Mom had recently moved into an apartment after selling her house. Well, she decided instead of dragging the clunky corner computer desk with her, she would purchase a "new and better one". I told her that would probably be a good idea. Ha! What was I thinking? I went to the store and purchased the item. My first clue should have been that it took two grown men and finally a woman (isn't that normally the case?) to even lift the thing into the back of my car. Well, that was the easy part. It took three herniated discs and two inguinal hernias on my part to get it from my car into the apartment! And that was the good part of this story! But I put on my game face and bravely (yeah right!) opened up the shipping crate a.k.a. box. I started looking for the instruction sheet, you know the piece of paper that usually at most has maybe 8 steps to complete the project? Boy was I ever wrong, the only thing I saw was what I considered an instruction encyclopedia. Not just one volume, the entire set! I'm talking 50 steps, and I mean 50! Right then and there I should have somehow convinced my Mother that a couple of concrete blocks stacked up in the corner with a piece of plywood on top would have suited her just fine Let me say I consider myself pretty handy. My Daddy made sure he raised a daughter that wouldn't get taken by repair guys and the such. I'm proud to say I can change the oil and brakes on a car, install a new kitchen faucet, put in a new toilet (especially since I broke the old one), and even help lay laminate flooring. But this project completely chewed me up and spit me out. I started at 2:30p and didn't finish until well after 6:00pm. I can only say that there is some pansy of a man sitting in a corner office somewhere in Des Moines who has never held a hammer and doesn't know the difference between metric and standard who designed this thing. Forget vacation! My next road trip is going to find this fool and show him the difference between a whippin and a whoopin!

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