Saturday, May 22, 2010

Deer Stalker........

     In a previous post I mentioned about the small garden that is growing out in our yard.  I love to see gardens growing this time of year.  So, you can imagine my dismay when my Hubby informed me that the lovely cute little "bambie" creatures were making a daily dinner buffet out of my green beans! 
     I went in and asked the boys if they would put out four posts on each corner of the garden where I intended to string yet again some old VHS tape to help deter my little forest friends from devouring my future garden bounties!  But of course Jacob had a better plan.  He proceeded to tell me that if I sprinkled aftershave around the garden, it would help deter the zoo that was visiting every night.  So, I told him to have at it.  He and Damien when out the front door with what seemed like 12 bottles of aftershave of which I had no clue that they owned so many!  In a few they came back in and Jacob assured me that it would take care of the problem!  A little later after dark I had to send Damien out to turn off the sprinkler.  When he came back in he told me about a lovely deer that he happened to glance upon that was standing 20 feet or so from him.  You can imagine that this news did not sit well with me!  I immediately started imagining the wonderful deer family walking down each row nibbling here and there until there was nothing but nubs left!  Finally around 10:30pm or so I could not stand it anymore!  Now, here I am in my nightgown with flashlight in hand wearing my flip-flops sneaking out the side door trying to be as quiet as possible.  Mind you, I am also trying to very indiscreetly use the flashlight because I don't want to step on any snakes (that is a completely different post!).  I make my way to the side of the truck all the while using it as a shield so any potential veggie killer won't spot me.  I make it to the back of the truck and peer around the back only to have the blasted area light blind me!  Hmmm, now to reposition myself.  I find that if I hide behind the other truck I have a clear view without feeling like I'm being interrogated!  Low and behold standing not 15 feet from my relaxing hobby is the culprit!  Now I know I should of thought of it before hand but it was at that point that my sensible side asked my fly by the seat of my pants side, "Just what are you planning to do?".  Of course shooting would be out of the question.  Not because I would be against adding some lovely deer meat to my freezer.  But because of the Yankees from New Jersey (don't mean to offend) that live next door and think that anytime a gun goes the off, the mafia must be in town!  Well, I finally decided that the best course of action would be to run straight at it like a wild Indian hoping that it would scare it off.  I figured that I would be safe doing this since we do live out in a rural area and no one would see me.  Now of course if I performed this type of action down South I would probably be baker acted immediately!
      So, I made my way to the front of the van and had a good view of the lovely creature grazing through the grape vines when all of a sudden Mr. Mittens the cat decides that this would be a wonderful time for a visit.  Up on the hood he jumps and starts to meow so very innocently.  I was buying none of this of course and started shooing him away as quietly as possible so as not to let the deer know that I was spying on it.  Up on the hood the cat jumps and immediately on the ground he lands as a knock him off.  Of course he finally catches on to my ruse and goes up onto the roof of the van and slides down the windshield and hood and you guessed it all the while making the screeching noises just like scraping your fingernails along a chalkboard!  You guessed it the deer immediately starts staring in my direction!  So, there I am standing like a Greek statue in my nightgown, clutching a flashlight hoping that this nocturnal animal doesn't notice me!  It was at that moment that I started feeling little "pricks" on my feet.  I immediately started shooing the cat again trying to let him know that I did not think that this was the appropriate time to be playing with my feet when I realized that I was standing in a pile of red ants!  If that dang deer only knew the trouble it was causing!  Well of course I had to give up my plan for the evening and run into the house to get rid of the blasted red ants.  And yes you guessed it that night the deer invited every member of it's family going back at least 2 generations over for dinner!  Don't worry my next plan of attack per Jacob is to give everyone in the house a haircut and sprinkle the cut hair around the garden!  Hmm I wonder if that will work as well as the aftershave did?




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